In the large dictionary dedicated to sexuality, there is also a term (little known) that refers to those who are demi sexual. Indeed, people’s sexuality is a very, very broad and nuanced theme that indicates different gender identities, various sexual orientations, and, again, the ways of conceiving sex. It might therefore also be interesting to know a little more about the demi sexual.
What is demisexuality?
If you are demi sexual, it means that you are on the spectrum of asexuality. In particular, demisexuality is also called gray sexuality, as it encompasses the middle ground between asexuality (lack of sexual attraction) and all sexuality (ie “normal” physical attraction to others, regardless of one’s orientation).
Demisexuality should not be confused with sexual abstinence or chastity, as actions stemming from one’s own will or due to cultural influences, while demisexuality is a characteristic of the individual’s sexuality
A demi sexual (or gray sexual) person, in fact, can feel sexual attraction only with people with whom he has an emotional bond. In other words, it could be said that being demi sexual means having an (innate) conception of sexuality (and therefore, of attraction) based on romanticism.
What is the meaning of demi sexual?
Among the various definitions of demi sexuals found online, here is the one reported on the asexuality.org site, which highlights the need for an emotional bond to feel sexual attraction. “Demi sexuals don’t experience sexual attraction unless they have a strong emotional connection with someone. But they are not limited to platonic relationships.
This term does not mean that demisexuals have incomplete sexuality: they simply hardly know sex without love (understood as an emotional connection). Basically, they do not feel sexual attraction, however, when a demi sexual feels an emotional connection with another person (with romantic feelings or deep friendship), then he experiences attraction and desire, and it only happens for specific people he is attached to. ‘
Where did the term demi sexual originate?
Being demi sexual is about feeling attraction only to people with whom you have an emotional connection. From an etymological point of view, in fact, it is enough to consider the term demisexuality, which derives from the union of two words. In particular, «demi», which in French means «half» and «sexuality».
From here you can understand that demi sexual means precisely that people who recognize themselves as such feel attraction (unlike those who are asexual) but only if involved in an emotional relationship.
The difference between demi sexual and asexual
As stated above, demisexuality is part of the asexuality spectrum. However, the two concepts are not to be confused, as they indicate different conditions. In general, asexuals tend to have little or no interest in or a specific drive towards sex. On the contrary, demi sexual people feel sexual attraction, when a specific condition occurs, namely that of strong emotional involvement and bond.
One might think that a demi sexual person is out of platonic love or unable to feel attraction to strangers. This is not the case, since, on a fantasy level, anything can happen. In practice, however, demi sexual people prefer to shift the relationship on a physical level only after they have developed an emotional bond with their partner.
Why still of sexual orientation?
Among the misconceptions concerning those who are demi sexual, there is also that of confusing this characteristic as a sexual orientation. In reality, demisexuality, as we have said, falls within the spectrum of asexuality (being “halfway” between asexuality and all sexuality).
As such, being demi sexual refers to the mode of attraction, and not to sexual orientation in the strict sense. In other words, a person can be demi sexual independent of their being homosexual, heterosexual, or any other possibility of orientation.
The difference with demi girl
Speaking of possible misunderstandings, the term demi sexual should not be confused with demi girl. The two terms, in fact, may seem similar, but they are not synonymous. Demi girl, in fact, is a gender identity (which can be considered non-binary).
As we said before, a demi sexual person, on the other hand, needs to feel a strong emotional connection with someone in order to feel physical attraction towards them. Of course, a demi girl can also be demi sexual, but this is not a necessary condition.
How is demisexuality?
Today, relationships tend to develop very quickly. Often they are born via dating apps, and there is often little time to create a deep emotional connection before going to bed. A demi sexual person, who instead needs to know deeply and establish a solid bond before having sex with someone, can no doubt find it difficult compared to those who prefer quick adventures.
What are the signs of demisexuality?
It is important to remember that in sexuality it is not correct to look for definitions and “labels” that identify such private aspects of people. Especially since sexuality escapes any static label. Furthermore, any sexual identity, orientation, or attitude is certainly not a disease, so using the term “signals” could be misunderstood.
In this case (and in all those relating to sexuality issues), we use the term “signals” to indicate some conditions or emotions that could help you understand your sexuality a little better. If you recognize yourself in some (or all) of the following statements, you may be demi sexual.
Demisexuality is independent of sexual orientation
Speaking about it up to now, we have often used the term “demisexual” juxtaposed to that of “orientation”. In reality, just as in the case of asexuality, here too it is necessary to make a clarification. In fact, anyone can be demi sexual regardless of their orientation in the strict sense.
Demisexuality characterizes a certain individual independent of his being homosexual, heterosexual, or the other numerous possibilities that exist in the field of sexuality.
Communities such as that of Aven show, however, how demisexuals live their orientation not always easily. Many, before discovering their demisexuality, have spent periods in which they did not understand exactly what differentiated them from other people and their peers: why they did not immediately feel attracted to certain types of boys or girls or why this physical attraction did not last very long, because for them sex was not so central in a relationship at the beginning and why they were so tied to a purely “romantic” vision of the relationship.
Admitting that they were demisexual was for many of them an authentic coming out, first of all to themselves, then to family members, friends, and, above all, their respective partners.